Friday, January 13, 2012

Rejected Genealogy Conference Proposals


Genealogy conference season is almost here. Several groups are accepting speaker proposals for their events. Here are some of the suggested sessions that didn't quite make the cut.

Because We’ve Always Done it This Way: Genealogy Society Bankruptcy in 6 Easy Steps
This session will teach you all the best ways to resist change, including digging in your heels, refusing to listen and alienating other board members. Your group will disband in record pace!

Keep Beating that Dead Horse: Worst Practices for Arguments on Email Discussion Lists
Learn how to resurrect old debates, argue in circles and create random tangents that are guaranteed to fill your email box with countless pointless opinions perfect for wasting time and money!

Advanced Techniques for Making Your Cell Phone Ring During Genealogy Sessions
Join us in this fast-paced session that will show you all the best ways to ignore requests to turn off your cell phone. You will also learn all the loudest ring tones, how to pretend you don’t hear your own phone ringing, and how to stare blankly at your ringing phone as though you have no idea how to answer it. Reserve your seat now!

How to Beat a Ticket from the Citation Police
A well-known genealogy outlaw will show you all the tips and tricks to skirt the law when the citation sheriff comes to town. Includes all the best techniques for designing your own citation “system” that no one else will understand.

New Ways to Judge Others Based on their Lineage Society Memberships
Strategies you can utilize to ensure that everyone knows how important your ancestors are as opposed to others. Learn how to order special pins, clothing and “bling” to show that you’re top dog, making it easy for you to look down on others.

Passive-Aggressive Blogging for Beginners
This in-depth session shows you how to write a blog post about someone that makes you angry without naming names, though everyone knows who you’re talking about. Also includes ways to blow issues out of proportion and write pieces without thinking to ensure you’ll regret what you said tomorrow.

GEN-ealogy or GENE-eaology? Pronunciation Fight Club
There are two camps in the pronunciation of genealogy. The session puts both groups in a closed room. Last man standing wins pronunciation rights.

Overhead Transparencies: A Genealogy Speaker’s Best Asset
Learn the earliest and oldest in overhead transparency technology including fuzzy fonts, blurry images and filling the whole page with text. Audiences will be talking about you in no time!


The fact that these gems were rejected just tells you how many great sessions are offered at regional and national genealogy conferences these days. Get out there and have fun (but turn off your cell phone, please). 

43 comments:

  1. Oh Amy. You started my day in tears. Fortunately they were the good kind. I would find you six spots in a New York minute. Or the amount of time it takes for me to set up an Outlook rule to ditch those emails. Whatever is faster.

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  2. The only one I'd pay for (extra) would be the pronunciation one. Could they be in a fight cage so we can watch?

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  3. Part of me secretly wishes Genealogy Fight Club would be a Friday night banquet at Jamboree. I'd pay good money for that.

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    1. A whole new method of fundraising for societies....

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    2. Hey Coffin - Cheryl and I tried to pick a fight with you and Denise last year over the reaching our goals thing. so that by Jamboree time we were have a tag team Genealogy Smackdown. It was going to be on like Donkey Kong.

      If you are coming out in June I would be honored to push you around a little like in the hallways between classes or into the pool providing neither of us has a paper mache pinata.. I am a good friend like that.

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  4. Hilarious - you've cheered up a chilly London (England) afternoon, thank you.

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  5. I needed this one. Just got a bunch of workshops rejected and am wondering if I need to use your ideas (smile).

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  6. Fight Club!! I go thru that daily with my first AND last names!! But for Genealogy Fight Club, wonder who we could put in the ring?? Will have to ponder this :)

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  7. You've made my week! Thank you. It's been hard to get back to genealogy but a belly laugh makes it so much better. Now to mop up the coffee.

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  8. Amy, ROTFLMAO. I love it. I personally would sign up for the Pronunciation Fight Club as well as How to Beat a Ticket from the Citation Police. I think we have a new conference that must be planned immediately....
    Donna

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  9. Amy: Absolutely hilarious. You knocked it out of the park with this one, my friend!

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  10. LOL I love it Amy. Thank you for the laugh. I need a few of those these days.

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  11. Too funny! Definitely loved the Pronunciation Fight Club. I'm a Gene, not a Gen, and I refuse to change, LOL!

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    1. I'm with you, Lisa - Gene not Gen. :-)

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  12. Hysterical! I had no idea you are so funny, Amy! Where have you been hiding this fierce sense of humor?! I want to see more of it! :-)

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  13. This is hysterical! My computer is down and the weather is dismal but you've made my day with your right-on-target observations. Love them all!

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  14. I needed a seriously good Laugh this morning and you just provided it!! THANK YOU!!! You also made me Very,Very grateful for our group at the Sumner County (Kansas) Historical and Genealogical Society! I work with a great group!!

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  15. Oh my gosh this is hilarious! I love it!!

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  16. Very very very good! I needed a laugh and now have a few extra to spare! Am hard pressed to come up with another for such a clever list.

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  17. Thank you. A Very funny post. I wonder if the 'citation sheriff' will laugh or squirm while reading it? The latter is my guess.

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  18. Personally, I think the first two might actually be good proposals. Instruction through counter-example.

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  19. Great Post, Amy. I think all these proposals should be accepted. I'd go to all! You made the laugh for the first time today. Thanks!!

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  20. :)))))))!!! HAHA HOHO! LOL! You made the rest of my day!!!

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  21. Hilarious...I'm still laughing!

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  22. So funny - you need to take this show on the road!

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  23. Thanks Amy - I needed a good laugh today, and you gave it to me. A shame you can't present a couple of these papers at the Australasian Congress!

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  24. I absolutely loved this, too. Just curious how long it took you to write this. Thanks.

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    1. Kathy, I thought of the idea one night. I wrote down 4 of them on a notepad by the nightstand. Two days later I wrote the rest and waited another 2 days to post it in case I wanted to do any edits.

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  25. More fodder for my Genealogy Humour folder (& don't forget to pronounce the A in GeneAlogy, btw, or the fight continues!). Thanks for adding smiles for everyone today!

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  26. Amy this is perfect! "Many a truth is said in jest" which makes this even funnier! Nice job1

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  27. Oh, Amy! I want to go hear some of these! Where can I go?

    LOL all day long...

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  28. Really, really, really, really great and timely post! LOVING IT!

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  29. This made me laugh and smile! Very creative, got to share when I get in my laptop! Thank you for this!!!

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  30. New Ways to Judge Others Based on their Lineage Society Memberships
    I was laughing so hard - the coffee cups, t-shirts, certificates and pins. Met a person who was wearing all, had a cup in hand and certificates on the wall. Didn't know there were that many organizations out there.

    As usual Amy- Perfect!

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  31. Well done, Amy!!! Loved this, esp. Advanced Techniques for Making Your Cell Phone Ring During Genealogy Sessions.

    I think someone is already making a mint on presenting this workshop, since there was a table-full of graduates in the restaurant where I had dinner last night. And they seem to be everywhere... :-)

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  32. This is great. Thanks for a needed laugh!

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  33. Very creative thinking. Real life implications for genealogists. Looking forward to more such humor.

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