Thursday, July 7, 2011

If Genealogists Ran Hollywood


What if family history influenced the movie industry? What kind of flicks would we see? Here’s a glimpse of what might be coming to a theater near you if genealogists ran Hollywood:

Coroner's Injunction: The Musical
Sherman County Morgue is a cold place by day, but at night its files come alive in this film based on the Broadway smash. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll never look at toxicology the same again. Features the hit songs “Does This Enlarged Spleen Make Me Look Fat?” and “All Five of My Wives Died of Natural Causes.”

Collapsed Pedigree: The Miley Cyrus Story
This indie documentary takes a hard look at the Cyrus family to learn who in their right mind would let a teenager, smoke, drink, get ugly tattoos and put out that gawdawful music. Finally, genealogists are going to get the answers to what society can’t explain.

The Best Little Courthouse in Texas
A crooked sheriff elects his newest bride as county clerk, lowering access to records and raising tempers in Pecan Knob, Texas. Dolly Parton stars as a spitfire small-town citizen who won't take NO for an answer when she wants her grandparents’ marriage certificate. You’ll be saying YES to this All-American comedy about truth, justice, and bound county record books.

My Big Fat Greek Ahnentafel
The Anastasidopolousinidesitis storied ancestral history has more layers than Auntie Ophelia’s falafel recipe. Mateo stumbles on his grandmother’s real birthdate--as well as her previously undiscovered brief first marriage--and shakes his family tree to the core. Will he suffer the wrath of the angry Greek matriarch? Hold on to your pedigree charts in this heartfelt drama.

Arbor Day
Think Halloween is the scariest day of the year? Think again. College co-ed Perry Pedigree thinks she has it all with a fabulous family tree. That all changes on Arbor Day when she discovers her great-great grandfather is one of 20 John Smiths living in the same town at the same time. Watch in horror as she stumbles through Smith wills, land records and censuses in her own personal John Smith hell in ARBOR DAY! 
Now in 3-D!

7 Sources for 7 Marriage Records of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
Seven brothers get married in 1860 and leave a gold mine of records. 150 years later, their descendants go to battle over the proper way to cite their documents. This contemporary dramedy chronicles the inane citation arguments and figurative beating of dead horses among a cast of characters who have forgotten the true purpose of family history. Since this issue is a constant source of debate, look for a sequel every year, a Lifetime movie and dual reality series on competing networks.

Genealogy Conference: The Movie
From the people who watched Animal House comes Genealogy Conference. The family historians are in town for a tame and serene annual meeting. However when the sun goes down, the party heats up in the summer's wildest ancestry-based blockbuster film. You'll laugh, you'll cry (tears of laughter) and you'll laugh again, but you won't believe your eyes. What happens at Genealogy Conference stays at Genealogy Conference.

Cut. Print. And that’s a wrap, folks.




[Looking for some extra copy for your genealogy society newsletter? This piece is available for republication. Contact me for details.  
--Amy]
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47 comments:

  1. Oh, Amy! I nominate you for an Academy Award as best producer. Or, in our world, an iGene!

    L O V E D this!

    -fM

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  2. You made my day! Anyone who can make me laugh is my new best friend. Great post!!

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  3. Good one, Amy! I second fM on the nomination.

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  4. ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!

    Cheers to you,

    Jennifer

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  5. LOVE LOVE LOVE it! You've outdone yourself Amy!

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  6. This is greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  7. I think Amy is warming up for the next carnival of genealogy concerning movie plots...

    excellent and funny work - I laughed till I cried.

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  8. So when are they being released? I want to be sure to buy tickets! lol Loved the post Amy, still laughing.

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  9. LOVED this, Amy! Now I'll be dreaming up sequels and spin-offs all night!

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  10. I especially like the gawdawful music part. Most of passes for "country" these days isn't.

    Thanks for the laugh.

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  11. You forgot Geneabloggers Gone Wild. LOL Too much summer vacation time on your hands! You Rock Aimster!

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  12. S'wonderful, S'marvellous and hysterically funny!

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  13. This is too funny....sounds just like Hollywoodland!

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  14. I agree with GrannyPam. The Miley Cyrus stuff made me laugh out loud. Great post, Amy!

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  15. I like it. I really like it! Great post!

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  16. Thanks for brightening my day, Amy.

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  17. So funny...it is great to laugh, with all the bad news in the world!

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  18. Amy, This is so, so well said in so many ways. I just loved every word and thought. So glad you printed it. thanks for a cheery spot in my day.

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  19. Thanks for the laugh - brilliant!

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  20. I want to watch all of them!

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  21. We need an all-genealogy all the time TV channel. Then they could make TV shows of these and we could watch them. All the time.

    Brilliant.

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  22. Love this post, Amy! You should do a sequel (yes, pun intended) to list who would star in these delightful films!

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  23. I'm printing this out and framing it for my new office corner. This is just too priceless!

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  24. Had to stop by and see what all the fuss was about. Funny stuff Amy!

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  25. Absolutely, enjoyed your entire blog, but I especially enjoyed, the John Smith Hell, the Seven Brothers, and the, "What happens at Genealogy Conference--stays at Genealogy Conference." On a rating system of 1-5 buttered popcorns--you receive 5! Kevin Shue

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  26. Love it, Amy! Wish I could watch all of them right now!

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  27. Fun and creative. Hope it might inspire me to occasionally get my head out of search mode and into a little more writing and fun.

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  28. Wonderful post and a great day brightener! I laughed the whole way through it.

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  29. Amy--nice piece of humor! Proud to have been associated with you in ProGen. :-)

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  30. OMG - hysterical. So glad that Friday is my work from home day so my co-workers don't have (yet another) reason to question my sanity. Now we just have to propose casting for some of these obvious smash-hits-in-waiting!

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  31. Hey, you might be on to something there, Amy! I absolutely loved it!

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  32. This piece made me laugh out loud! Great work! # 1 Fan Mom

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  33. Amy,
    These sound better than a lot of what Hollywood makes these days.

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  34. It's 3:18 am, and I couldn't sleep. I giggled so loud no one else in the house is sleeping either!

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  35. What a hoot! Thanks for a good chuckle. Very well done, lol!

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  36. That's hilarious! “All Five of My Wives Died of Natural Causes.”

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  37. See, this is why I can never hit "mark all as read" when I get behind in my reader. Hilarious!

    I'm going to download the second-to-last one in iTunes when it comes out, so I can watch it over and over and over and over and over...

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  38. That's beyond clever!! Love it!

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  39. Coming late to this party - I've been away on holiday and only just read this wonderful piece. Thank you for the best geneablog post in a long time, Amy!

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  40. Hilarious and creative! Thanks for being YOU. On some of those Ol' Myrt here may wait for the DVD, though I hear Netflix gets everything a few days earlier. LOL.

    PS - Thanks to Randy Seaver for pointing this post out to me in his Best of the Geneablogs post this morning.

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  41. All Academy Award winners, for sure!

    I second Dear Myrtle's PS.

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  42. The is great fun stuff in genealogy
    I'd like to see the play on Broadway now a move called SHERMAN'S COUNTY MORGUE...it real funny, go figure.

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